The B-Word

To a teacher, or to any creative person or performer (and I would put “teacher” in that category), the most dreaded word, when applied to your work, is “boring”. When Jen and I taught in Indonesia many years ago, the privileged rich kids we had as students had been allowed to get into the habit of spitting out the word “boring” whenever something didn’t suit them. Well, a few whacks with a bamboo rod fixed that problem (just kidding - it wasn’t like we were in Singapore!). Ever since then, I am loathe to use that word in connection with my own life, and I try never to describe myself as being “bored”.

Well, as we have shared our experiences here in Vientiane, I think we’ve managed to convey the peaceful, slow-paced, easy-going nature of the place and its people. Therein lies its charm and attractiveness to someone seeking a life of tranquility. Once you’ve settled in, seen the sights, and established a workaday routine, however, this town probably ranks in the lower percentiles on the urban “thrill-o-meter”, the occasional festival notwithstanding. This is not a problem as long as I am accompanied by my trusty sidekick, Jennie, who, as some of you may be aware, is a one-woman action sequence of non-stop chills, spills, and thrills. Boring, this girl ain’t.

Eleven days ago, I said a tearful (OK, I didn’t really cry) good-bye to my mitad de naranja at Vientiane’s Wattay Airport. Jennifer had places to go, things to do, and people to see in the former Soviet Union (watch for the next installment on this blog: Jen Does Dnipropetrovsk!) Almost immediately, a feeling of ennui began to seep into my consciousness. According to Wikipedia, ennui can be defined as “general lack of interest…it may also refer to oppressive boredom”. Within hours, I was wandering around our apartment talking to myself. It’s a good thing I’m a scintillating conversationalist.

I don’t want to beat this buffalo too hard, but suffice it to say that the excitement level in my day to day life has taken a precipitous drop. When before I looked forward to going out to dinner every night, now it’s just too much trouble to put on some clothes and walk down the street. I have started eating scrambled eggs and tunafish rather than dine out alone. I’m spending hours in front of the A/C reading detective novels (did I ever mention how hot it is here?). I’ve watched several crappy movies (sorry Clive Owen, but you suck). It’s just kind of b*ring going through the ol’ daily routines without a fun & funny partner to share them with.

However, as the disco diva once sang, I will survive. I am compensating by exercising more and eating less, resulting in a svelter (“It’s sveltering in here! Turn on the fan!”) profile. I’m spending less money on restaurants. I’m catching up on my correspondence (slowly). So "it’s all good", as they say. This Skype thing is very cool. I get to have conversations with my girlie frequently (I can see her, but she can’t see me, haha). I’m not sad or lonely. Things are just a little, you know...the b-word.

Sabaidee Pi Mai Lao!

"Happy Lao New Year"! The Lao calendar puts new year celebrations on April 14, 15, and 16 this year . . . with the festivities spilling over into the weekend. We went back to Luang Prabang in the northern part of Laos (Joe had given workshops up there in November). Luang Prabang is famous for their "Pi Mai" madness . . . which involves a whole lotta water!

We arrived on the 10th so everything seemed pretty normal on the town front - morning fruit and veg market, evening craft market, French colonial architecture, manicures, pedicures, massages, happy Lao people, and a few tourists. On the 11th, we decided to head for a deluxe resort just outside the town for a relaxing day at the pool (Lao water experience #1 - heretoforth to be blogged as LWE). It was a beautiful setting with jungle plants all around. We were able to get there for free by hitching a ride with the sister resort's shuttle bus in town. However, we had to shell down about 7 bucks each for the actual pool privilege.

Our second LWE was on the 12th - we paid the 17 bucks to hire a "song teuw" - kinda like a big tuk-tuk to take us to the Kouangsi waterfall, wait for us, then bring us back. The scenery was pretty, but very smoky, on the 30 km ride. This time of year is prime time for burning debris for some reason. On the way we saw the coolest looking water buffalo - pink! I guess they were albinos . . . I would've loved to take a picture of them standing in the midst of their more traditional-looking buddies. However, we just marveled from our vehicle.

The waterfall was amazing with pool after pool of water safe for swimming. It was lovely and a little less hot due to the jungle canopy. Also, near the waterfall was a bear sanctuary - which my friend Melissa in England told us about! There were numerous, active, rescued Asiatic Black Bears that all seemed pretty comfortable in their Australian-sponsored compounds. Too bad we couldn't pet them :)

LWE #3 started on the 13th, when at 1pm locals started placing large plastic tubs near the side of the road and filling them with water. No one was spared. If you just wanted to walk down to the Internet cafe - splash-ola they got you! It was especially cute when the little kids tried to do it  . . . . so we just walked by them really slowly to be intentional easy targets. They were thrilled when they got a "falang" - and we were pleasantly cooled off! Joe's students had told him that the kids are told that they must ask before they pour water on "older people". We were happy to see that no one asked our permission!

LWE #4 - Well the 14th was really the radical first day when all the giant plastic water guns came out - not to mention so did all the tourists. International tourists as well as local villagers made their way to this little town to take place in the most creative and peaceful water fights ever (it was the "falang" who occasionally resorted to squirting directly in the face, heckling each other, and eventually using the f-word loudly in public . . . it's hard being one of them sometimes!). The water works started early - so the camera was left in the guest house along with the cell phone and anything that couldn't get soaked. Truckloads of teenagers playing loud music went round and round the city loaded with huge tubs of water, bowls for "flinging" the water at those on the sides of the street and at each other. Those standing on the street, also playing loud music, fought right back scooping and flinging at the passing vehicles. Tuk tuk drivers seemed to be the most fun as it often caused their carburetors to get wet, their vehicles to die, and the people to swarm and "dump" buckets of water on driver and anyone in the back!

LWE #5 - We escaped in our soaking clothes to sit on a short wall near the Mekong - which ironically is way lower than usual due to drought right now. A family of 4 villagers walked over and sat a bit further down the wall. Joe and I were slurping from our big bottle of mineral water. They smiled at us - we smiled at them - their kids were very cute. Then out of nowhere the man started talking to me . . . asking me something . . . pointing at our bottle of water . . . then pointing to his little boy. I said, "OK - here you go." How could we deny them a drink or two. Well, after the bottle made its way round the family unit - I indicated the he could keep it. He smiled, said Kup Chai, tipped the bottle down, and started filling his water gun.

Our flight was scheduled for 1 pm which was to be the time of the grand parade with the winner of Miss Luang Prabang riding "an animal" - at least that's what I was told. However, the melee was a bit too crazy for us and we decided not to postpone our departure. We got back to Vientiane where we had LWE #6 and #7  - revelers here splashed our taxi from the side of the road and then later nailed Joe hard as he left the house to buy some . . . water.

The reason all this water is a part of the celebration is because 1. In the buddhist religion water blesses you bringing long life and peace, 2. It's frickin' hot outside, 3. The new year marks the end of the dry season and the coming of the monsoons. So, like clockwork, last night we had a big rain storm, lightning, and thunder. LWE #8.

When You're Hot, You're Hot!

Hot.
Real hot.
How hot?
“Hotter than snake shit on the desert floor”, my friend used to say.

More like being inside a pizza oven when the crust is burning.

We are in the tongue-lolling dog days of Lao summer, which comes with startling speed right at the tail end of Lao winter (Lao spring? No existe, amigo!). North Americans and Europeans would be surprised to learn that March and April are the hottest months in these tropical regions around 10-15 degrees latitude. We have had several weeks of flirtation with the 100 degree Fahrenheit mark and have recently crashed straight through it. Sunday, it was 103 with a heat index of 113. A sudden and violent thunder storm that night had me thinking that maybe the temperatures were going to slacken…it was back to 100 on Monday - but with more humidity!

We have lived in the tropics before and I normally tolerate it quite well, but this place is really freakin’ hot. I taught my normal Tuesday class this morning at 8:00 AM. I was boiling with sweat at the outset, mopping my face like Louis Armstrong, and by 8:15 had soaked my t-shirt, short-sleeve shirt, and trousers all the way through. My students, worried about me, went and fetched me ice water. Bless ‘em.

I don’t think I mentioned the case of prickly heat I came down with last September when it was only 95 degrees with 80% humidity (Lao autumn!). Yes, folks. Prickly heat is real, and it sucks wildly. Having learned my lesson, I never go anywhere without my umbrella, and I take at least two showers a day (unfortunately, “cold” water this time of year, you could make Cup o’ Soup with). Thank God we have air-conditioners and fans in every room of the house.

Now if we could only keep the electricity from going out every day! Yikes!

You Got Me Floatin'

Last weekend we got invited to a friend's birthday bash. He's a Canadian gent whose wife is Uzbeki. He is, apparently, the "condom king" of Laos. His company manufactures and distributes millions of condoms in an attempt to encourage safe sex practices amongst the locals. There were about 40 guests at the party and everyone received a nice box of condoms as a party favor. Whoopee!

The party was held mid-afternoon on a barge/restaurant floating down the scenic Nam Ngum River north of Vientiane. The riverside restaurant complex was huge, with large groups of mostly Lao people either dining on terra firma or opting to do the float 'n' eat thang. We all assembled aboard the barge, watched the feast being laid out on the long low table, and when everything was ready, shoved off down the river.

The food was great (even though we had already eaten and ended up just nibbling), and I broke one of my rules by consuming alcoholic beverages before 6 PM. Sipping a glass of Beer Lao seemed appropriate to the occasion somehow. Maybe it was the realization that karaoke was just around the proverbial bend! Yes, it was a karaoke boat and soon the Abba, Journey, and especially Bryan Adams was ablastin' (did I mention the birthday boy was Canadian?). After a few glasses of beer, I felt compelled to grab the mike when I heard some strains of Always Something There to Remind Me come thru the speakers (does everyone know how much I love Burt Bacharach?).

We floated downstream for a couple of hours, turned around and motored back. It was fun. I wish I had been hungrier 'cause the food was really tasty. I wish I hadn't had so many glasses of beer 'cause I was ready for bed at 6:30. Oh, we met some really nice people who gave us a ride out to the gig. The guy is a retired Mountie - talk about a serious Canadian!

Dusty Roads

Dusty Roads was a name read at the end of each church service back when I was a kid (and a churchgoer). It was read from a long list of names of those we needed to pray for. The name was intriguing. Now, I find I can actually weave it into one of our blog entries about our trip down to The South. So "Dusty Roads" (not sure if that was the spelling) . . . here's to you!

Last weekend Joe and I traveled to Pakse in the very Southern Province of Champasak. The reason I say "traveled" was that it was a combination of taxi, plane, and car. The Pakse airport is closed for construction, so we took a plane to Savannakhet. A driver met us there and drove us the 3-4 hours to Pakse. The drive was pleasant . . . much dry territory, numerous farm animals leisurely walking alongside and occasionally into and across the paved road. Dogs, chickens, pigs, goats, cows, calves, water buffalo  and their calves . . . it seemed to be baby season. Luckily, all that came into harm's way were spared - thank goodness for slow and careful Lao drivers! The landscape was very dusty with plains that might make you  think of Africa a common sight as we neared Pakse.

Upon arrival, we ate at a restaurant called "Pizza Boy". The most memorable thing about our experience was not the pizza, but a gigantic centipede that ran under a nearby table causing two western tourists to spring from their chairs. Not thinking about the potential poison factor, I jumped into photojournalism mode and snapped a pic. You can just barely tell by comparing him/her to the table legs that he/she was about a foot long. No joke! One of the restaurant workers took matters into his hands and whacked it with a broom, breaking it in two. Only one half continued to flip around long after we finished our meal.

Joe's workshops were a hit in spite of the heat that ensued after lunch. Temperatures reached about 100 degrees that day, so heading to the market to take photos lasted only about 30 minutes for me. I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon in the deluxe new Chinese hotel enjoying the A/C. A highlight was a side trip to Wat Phou an ancient Hindu temple - unique to this area. It was hot there too and involved a long bumpy dust-inducing car ride on an unpaved road and a wait for what looked like a home-made car ferry - however, the adventure was well worth it! Looking at the photos afterwards reminded us how exotic it truly was.

The next day we were driven back to Savannakhet where we were to catch the plane back to Vientiane. We decided to stay a night and check out the town. Awfully hard to do, again, when it is so hot. However, at dusk and the next morning at dawn, we meandered around the town checking out the remains of the French Colonial architechture. It is a crumbly town, but with so much potential. Hopefully, one day the government will help rennovate some of the buildings and facilities to make it the next Luang Prabang. But for now, the infrastructure of hotels and restaurants is pretty much non-existant. We did however make it to the Dinosaur Museum with a very enthusiastic guide who took us to the back room where some finds were still encased in dirt and dust - still needing to be cleaned up for display.

Ummm...What Do You Plan on Doing with That Handkerchief?

Every culture, every society has its taboos. There are also behaviors that, while not rising to the level of taboo, could be considered violations of basic societal norms or maybe just poor form. When we lived in Indonesia, any intimate contact, like kissing, was strictly forbidden in public or in the media. (Oddly, any gross verbal obscenity was perfectly all right, as long as it was in English). In Bulgaria, polite people just did not talk about Gypsies (Roma), or even acknowledge their presence. One day in Ukraine, I started absentmindedly whistling a tune to myself (Do You Know the Way to San Jose?) when the person next to me whirled, horror etched on her face. It wasn't bacharachophobia. I learned you cannot whistle indoors without incurring the certainty of losing every kopeck of your hard earned money. In my own country, I guess it’s pretty much anything goes – with the exception of running for public office as an avowed atheist, or expressing remorse over becoming a parent.

Here in Laos, people have their own “dos and don’ts”. Here is a partial list:

DO
eat anything that moves
take off your shoes when entering a home
use any excuse to have a holiday or a party
smile, laugh, and say “sabaidee” a lot
ride an entire family of 5 on a motorbike
eat all day and stay skinny
wear high top sneakers with a long skirt
listen to the same half-dozen songs over and over for months (years)

DON’T

act angry or aggressive in public
ever touch a monk if you’re female
ever touch a female if you’re a monk
blow your nose in public
stay out past 11:00 PM
hug or kiss in public
use your car’s horn excessively
hold your head higher than the Buddha
touch someone’s head (unless you’re a hair stylist)

As you can see, it’s pretty easy to live within the limits of society, provided you’re not a bellicose, sex-crazed, night owl with a bad head cold.

I'm in the Army Now . . .

  . . . or so to speak. I have been working with Lao army English teachers for the last month teaching a special short course. The group of 15 is composed of teachers from the Southern Province of Champasak, the Northern Provinces of Luang Prabang and Xianghoang, and Vientiane Province. They are a wonderful group that we (4 other teachers and I) are teaching intensively in order to help them improve their English and at the same time teach them something about English language methodology. It is a challenge, but a welcome one as I love working with international teachers :)

Although they are at different levels of English language proficiency, one in particular is quite low, they have all improved. I showed them how to use verb "flashcards" and a present tense "boardgame" last week, most of them never having played a board game before. They were thrilled and eager to know where I bought the ABC, 123, and phonetic sound flashcards I also showed them. I had actually picked them up at Target for 99 cents per pack. Unfortunately, items like that are very hard to find here - Vietnam and Thailand are much better places to go. However, most of these teachers live in rural areas, don't have email, don't have computers, don't have CD players, don't have books for the students, don't have photocopy machines, and teach up to 55 students in a class. Some academies don't even have textbooks for the teachers!

One of the benefits of this course, funded by the Australian Army, is that each academy (4 are represented in the class) will get a CD player, a textbook series designed for Australian immigrants, accompanying CDs, and a set of all the materials we 5 teachers have given them over the 4 weeks.

Next week will be our last week. I can already see that they are responding to the "communicative language teaching" that we have been demonstrating. A few have come to me at the break and said things like: "I don't want my classes to be boring - I want to wake up the students! My teaching will be different when I get back; my students will be surprised!" This is what we want to hear from teachers that come from a system of education in which the English instructor stands at the board, writes down lots of words, and the students pretend to copy all of them . . . all the while speaking Lao (teacher and students).

The teachers did mini-demo lessons last week in which I saw them use gestures, their voice, the board, and props and walk around the room to make sure "we students" were on task. And all the while the instructions and feed back to "us students" was in English. I wish the course could go on, but Friday will be the day when they go back to their respective provinces and try out their new "teaching chops". I will miss them.